im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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