is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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