so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
