the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
