if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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