You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
