Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
