I'm jealous of your bromance
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
