Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize