I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
