Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
