Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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