i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I need to align my fucking chakras
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize