I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
