She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize