Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
