Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
