Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
