Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
