It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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