I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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