the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize