I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize