apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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