tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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