your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
