Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
