Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
