she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
