So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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