Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
