i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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