she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize