well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
