He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
