I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
