I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize