There is no way he is gay with that hair.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
