well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
