so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
