My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My penis needs a shock collar
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
