i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
