Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
