Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
