the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
