I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
