She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
