i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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