All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
