This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
