Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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