I hate all girls vehemently.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
