i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Congratulations! We have a period
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