Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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