My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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