honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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