be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
