Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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