I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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