Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
