Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
