I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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