There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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