Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
