Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you didnt know i had herpes?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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