I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
