My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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