Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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