1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
