we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
