glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
