How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
