If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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