It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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