it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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