i just sold back the books i vomitted on
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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