sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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