Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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