Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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