I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
