I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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