I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
