never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
