You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
