Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
