And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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