You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize