i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
