I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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