She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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