it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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