he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
