I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
