woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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