if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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