I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
