Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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