All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
