Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
