my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
