I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
