So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you would pick up someone in the library
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
