She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
