Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
