So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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