the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
