Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
