Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we're making bets on your personal life
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
