I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize