I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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