They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
