Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
