that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
