I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
